The Best of Times
by daftkitykat
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan get some leave after the Battle of the Citadel.  Some offensive language and sexual content.


The sand kicked up in the wind as Commander Shepard and Kaidan Alenko walked on the beach at Elysium. It was a soft summer evening and many of the tourists could be heard further down the beach but this area was quiet, even remote. Alenko stumbled a bit perhaps stepping on a rock and Shepard let her hand grasp his. They held hands for a long few moments until they reached their destination, an out cropping of rocks near the head land. There they lay out a blanket up away from the surf and sat next to one another staring up at the brilliant night sky.

"The stars are beautiful out tonight, Shepard. This is perfect," Kaidan said beside her letting his hand brush against her own. These brief brushes of skin were the only bits of contact the two had had since a week previous on their almost suicidal run on Ilos. To Shepard they were an incredible reminder that what hey had was not a dream.

"I thought you might like it. It reminds me of the quiet we used to have back home…" She let her voice trail off as she remembered things she would rather forget.

"You never talk about your home, Shepard. Why?"

"It's complicated and private, Kaidan. I'd rather not speak of it... I'm sorry I brought it up." Shepard said quickly pulling her hand away from his.

"I won't mention it again then." he said in a hurt voice looking away out across the sea.

"I didn't mean… damn it, Kaidan! I just… it was a long time ago and it's a tough thing to talk about. I haven't talked about my past in so long… The last time I did it was to Anderson… and that was a while ago, before Eden Prime. That was before I even met you." Shepard said in a quiet, sad way to him. Shepard then switched her tone to one of a more lustful nature, "I don't want to spend all night with you thinking about the past. I want to relax and spend time with you, on this secluded beach, all alone."

"It's alright, you'll tell me when you're ready," Kaidan said sliding closer to Shepard.

Pushing his hurt aside he wasted no time in kissing her, at first sweetly then deeply and with a burning desire. The passion that erupted between the two was as vicious as it was tender and before long Kaidan was atop Shepard ripping off his shirt. Shepard looked upon him as he towered above her and marveled on his chiseled form. His skin was the color of dark honey and in the light of the twin moons it almost glowed. She had but a moment to look before he began taking off her shirt kissing up her stomach pushing it up as he went. A sigh escaped her mouth as his tender lips reached her breasts. Shepard lifted herself up enough to pull the remainder of her shirt off as Kaidan reached around her to unfasten her bra. He pulled her bra off in one swift movement bringing one of her pink, hard nipples into his waiting mouth. This issued a moan from Shepard's soft red lips and brought the lieutenant up to her mouth once more for a hungry kiss. This short distraction allowed Shepard to reach between them and loosen the clasps on each of their pants. A surprised smile flashed upon Kaidan's face when he felt her light touch upon his sensitive flesh. On the blanket the two lovers rolled away from each other just long enough to remove their pants and underwear. Shepard, the faster of the two, took the opportunity of her slight victory to clamber upon Kaidan and take her relief upon his eager manhood. For his part the lieutenant gasped for air and quickly rolled her on her back pinning her by her shoulders to the ground ending the wrestling match. Soon they developed a feverish rhythm. Their bodies moved together in unison each reaching their quickening in stride. Ecstasy came to them both in the same moment sending them crying out together in pleasure. As their cries diminished the sound of the tide engulfed all sound but that of their own pounding hearts. He rolled off Shepard and lay back upon the blanket pulling her into his side. The quiet sound of his breathing was lost to any except her pressing her ear upon his chest.

It was a quiet rest of the night and as the tide began to rise the lovers recovered their now sand covered clothes and did their best to pull them over their sweat covered bodies. They walked to the hotel hand in hand not fearing discovery this late at night. At their respected rooms just a doorway away the question was clear upon Shepard's face and Alenko followed her into her room after retrieving his night bag from his own. After a shower to clean the sand from their bodies they held each other through the night though Kaidan woke several times feeling Shepard's form thrash between his protective arms. He wondered silently at her bad dreams but did not dwell upon them as his search for sleep pressed him to forget.

The next morning seemed to come quickly for Shepard. She awoke alone in her bed with nothing to confirm the actions of the previous night but a sand covered uniform and a short note:

Went to breakfast with Joker and some of the crew. Going to the beach today, you should join us.

_It is a nice day_, Shepard thought to herself as she did her normal morning exercise routine, _perhaps_ _I will join them_. An hour later fed and warmed up the Commander arrived at the beach in full civilian attire. She had not worn a bathing suit since the last time she had been to Elysium and had to buy a new one. She felt uncomfortable in the tiny green two-piece but she at least had the decency to wear a tie around skirt. Her pale freckled skin gave her a sickly appearance. It had been a long time since she had had enough exposure to any sun to retain a tan. All these imperfections did not stop the men from staring at her on her way to the beach. Though several of the people here and business owners knew her by name out of gratitude for saving the colony during the Skilian Blitz they did not stare. It was instead the tourists, here for the best beaches that stared at the Commander, savior of the Citadel. After being stopped twice Shepard pulled off her skirt and wrapped it to cover her hair then obscured her eyes behind her sun glasses masking her signature red hair and far too green eyes. She regretted instantly not bringing a head scarf so that she could cover up both her hair and her butt. Soon enough, however, she arrived on the main tourist beach. A man renting umbrellas recognized her and would not allow her to pay for the umbrella she rented from him. It was a small thing for her to plant it in a not as populated area near the volley ball area and settle herself into reading reports on Sovereign. Her peace was momentarily disturbed by a ball bouncing up to her under her shade. Someone approached for the ball having to bend to retrieve it from under her umbrella.

"Hey, baby you're fine. How 'bout you come out and play and we can have some drinks."

The man was obviously oblivious to her attempts at work. Looking up over her data pad Shepard saw a tan blond man, obviously a civilian kneeling in front of her.

"No thank you, I'm right where I want to be."

"You're no fun. Thought you'd be more co-operative than that. I mean I'm quite a guy. Lots of interested ladies, but I'd drop them all for you."

"Not interested. Please leave," Shepard gritted through her teeth. The man was getting on her nerves.

He looked around seeing that both parties were rather secluded. Suddenly he surged at her before she even gave him a second thought. He would have been on top of her if her reflexes were any slower. All at once he was kicked across the beach through a group of Alliance soldiers further down. She stood up and passed under the umbrella pulling off her head covering. The man appeared uninjured but as he stood up he shouted at her.

"Damn biotic! Stay with your own kind!"

She was filled with anger but did not react to the insult. The Alliance soldiers however did. Noticing for the first time who it was, Shepard smiled. Joker, Alenko, and several of the crew had been the ones assaulted with the man. Kaidan said something foul to the man in protest though Shepard could not make it out. The man then tried to intimidate Kaidan to no avail and he left stomping away from the beach. Laughing to herself Shepard clambered down the beach towards the group of her crew. Apparently some of them had attempted to get Joker into the ocean but none had succeeded. He was slippery for someone with no bones.

"Sorry for the interruption. He was a total jerk."

"Glad to know that's how you treat people you think are jerks, Commander. I'll have to watch what I say around you," Joker said in his snarkiest voice.

"Who would fly the ship if I threw you around the helm every time I thought you were being a jerk?" Shepard asked smiling at her favorite pilot.

"No one, the Normandy is my ship." It was a statement of fact. The Normandy was only truly at its best when Joker was at the helm.

Kaidan looked at Shepard for a moment as if inspecting her for injuries. "What did he do? Hit you with the ball?"

"It doesn't matter, he's just immature."

They let the matter drop but Shepard did not return to her place under the umbrella. Instead she surged forward into the ocean finally managing to get Joker in for a little fun. They body surfed laughing and smiling between themselves, especially Kaidan and Shepard. The day went by quickly and soon it was dinner time. Many of the other crew members had left the beach before Shepard and Kaidan decided they had better go.

"Wanna catch some dinner together? I think I saw a place that claimed to have the best steaks in town just a few blocks from here."

Shepard thought for a minute about the offer then shrugged it off. "I'll take a rain check on that, Kaidan. I have plans with an old friend tonight… but thanks."

"An old friend, huh?" The question hung in the air for a moment while Shepard tried to think of a good answer for it. It wasn't a very hard decision and it wasn't as if she had to hide it but Shepard had never been one to let others in on private things.

"I'm sure you can join us if you like. We're meeting at his place later. It just down the boardwalk in old town."

"I might take you up on that, Commander," Kaidan said thoughtfully.

It had taken just over an hour for Shepard to shower, dry off, and dress into another civvies outfit. This time it was just a pair of black cargo pants and a black shirt. _Nothing too fancy needed tonight_. Stepping outside her room she thought for a moment and knocked on Kaidan's door across the way. No answer. _I guess he decided against it._

The night air was a bit chilly coming over the ocean that night. The Commander regretted not bringing a coat but then warmed herself with a private thought about the cold on Noveria. _Kaidan should have brought a sweater, his mom was right._ Behind her she heard someone shout so she stopped and looked back. Kaidan was jogging up to her waving.

"Hey," she said surprised, "following me now?"

"I thought it would be best if no one saw us leave together. It might be too obvious."

"Ah…" Shepard inwardly lamented the need for their secrecy but she knew it was the best course of action, "I wish you had worn civvies. Kyle isn't too hot on the Alliance."

"Who's Kyle?"

"He's a friend I made here during the Blitz. He helped with the resistance."

It was Kaidan's turn to ah at this and all Shepard could do was giggle aloud.

"What? What's so funny?"

"You. You were so wrapped up wondering who I was going to see you just had to come check it out."

"I was not… ok maybe I was curious. This Kyle, if he helped you why does he hate the Alliance?"

"It's kind of complicated. I think you'll figure it out when you meet him."

Kyle's apartment was on the ground floor on what looked to be two halves of different buildings. From the bottom to the third floor the look was a bit old fashioned colonial style but from the third up through the eighth floor it was extremely modern. Shepard approached the com on the wall but before she could punch the button a girl ran up the steps behind them and tackle hugged her. She was a young girl no more than fifteen but she was nearly Shepard's height with long blond hair braided down her back.

"Shep, you made it! Bro is going to be so stoked," then stopping a moment and motioning to Kaidan she asked, "Who's the Alliance stiff?"

Turning so that she faced both of them Shepard motioned towards Kaidan. "Oh Sarah, this is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. He's a very good friend and one of my crew on the Normandy. I hope Kyle won't mind another mouth to feed."

"I wouldn't want to intrude," Kaidan added seeming a bit out of place.

"No problem, just don't spout any propaganda and you'll be fine. Bro won't notice anyway." Her casual mannerisms set the mood and Kaidan seemed to relax a bit.

The apartment door was slow to open and a few sparks issued from the gap above the sliding mechanism.

"I thought he was going to fix that last time I came by. Has he even left the house since I was here last?" Shepard asked Sarah in a sarcastic friendly way.

"We fixed it but just a few weeks ago it started back up again. Bro is convinced it does it because you are coming and it wants you to scold him."

"Sure, your stories don't fool me." Shepard said stepping into the small two bed room apartment.

"What kind of stories is Sarah telling you, Commander?" The voice was deep and unmistakably male coming from the kitchen and when Shepard turned in there she embraced the dark haired man but something was different about him. Shepard turned to see the shock in Kaidan's eyes only she would have been able to perceive. The Lieutenant was so good at hiding his emotions it was sometimes scary. She knew what he was seeing. Kyle's bottom half was mechanical and the scarring on his face still had not fully healed especially that on his left neck and cheek.

"Sarah was just telling me you actually fixed the door it just broke itself before I got here to fool me," Shepard answered the previously unanswered question. "Kyle, this is Kaidan Alenko. He's a member of my crew and more importantly a very good friend of mine."

A small wink between the two siblings brought a smile to Kyle's face. "Finally bringing one home to meet the folks, Shepard? I thought for sure you'd drag home a Krogan the way you fight but this guy seems almost innocent."

"Come on, Kyle don't tease them. I think he's cute," Sarah said through Kyle's deep laughter.

"I'd never bring a Krogan here. You'd challenge him to a fight and then he'd be so dishonored he'd never be able to show his face again," Shepard rebutted neither denying nor agreeing with the innuendo. "So what's for dinner, Kyle? Got anything meaty?"

Dinner and drinks after carried on in the causal teasing manner until all were full and tired. Shepard and Kaidan told stories about life aboard the Normandy and fun times they had on the Citadel but they steered away from battle stories. The good times lasted late into the night when finally Sarah excused herself for bed. Shepard and Kaidan made their leave of Kyle, Shepard promising to visit again before they left and Kaidan reluctantly agreeing to take care of Shepard arguing that instead that she could take care of herself.

The walk back to the hotel was dominated by a pregnant silence between the two until they reached the boardwalk and Kaidan finally asked the question she knew he wanted to ask.

"What happened to him, Shepard?" The question hung in the air for long moments before she could think of the right way of wording the answer.

"It was a grenade. He and I were pinned down on our way to the AA gun tower I needed to secure and he took one head on. He wasn't Alliance but his father made him go with me to help secure the settlement instead of staying back to defend his family. I carried him to the installation on my back using my barrier to keep us both from fire and throwing enemies out of the way. I stopped the bleeding afterward right after the initial volley but his legs couldn't be saved. We learned later that the grenade was friendly fire from some other marines on site who thought we were a threat. They didn't like biotics. I guess some things never change." Kaidan's hand slipped into hers and he squeezed it reassuringly.

"They will. We can change how they see us."

"I guess…," Shepard sighed continuing with the story, "Kyle's father and mother didn't make it either, because of a fire not hostilities. We shared a room in the hospital and Sarah would keep me company while her brother slept. It was a hard month for them and we all kind of bonded. They're like my foster family I suppose."

"I'm glad I got to meet them," Kaidan said squeezing her hand and smiling at her in such a way that made Commander Shepard feel for a moment like Wren again but she pushed that out of her mind.

"Hey, biotics!" The shout came from a nearby bar. Turning to look the blond man from the beach stood there flanked by several other men. They were drunk and looking for a fight. "Hey, you jerks need to go back where you came from. You freaks should be kept locked up and away from us normal folks."

Quick as a shot Shepard began pulling back her hand for a full on biotic push but Kaidan caught her hand at the wrist. "He's not worth it, Commander."

Picking up on the hint the blond man started in again, "Ooohhh, Commander is it? Little girl has a big title to hide behind. I guess she needs that since her man is so wimpy he won't even protect her."

Shepard could feel the waves of anger flow off Kaidan and pulled him closer. "He's not worth it, remember. He's just a drunk jerk." With that she turned and began pulling Kaidan away from the quickly forming crowd.

"Look at that bitch run. I guess that's why all those Alliance soldiers died at the Battle of the Citadel. Too many weak willed women running the show. They aren't even smart enough to support their own kind."

Shepard could not stop Kaidan now. He wheeled around biotic power seething in the air around him. "This is Commander Shepard you are talking about you slime! She saved the galaxy from all out war with synthetics, she saved this colony from being destroyed during the Blitz, and she saved your ass just a minute ago. I'd apologize to her before something bad happens."

Several people in the now seemingly enormous crowd booed and heckled Kaidan for his remarks but a man shoved his way to the front of the throng. Shepard did not recognize him but he knew her.

"I will not allow you to bad mouth Commander Shepard. She is a strong bright woman who sacrificed much to save us all. She deserves your respect not your disdain. Biotics or not, woman or not you have no right to say anything."

The blond man laughed in an over the top manner then answered both of them by punching the older man in the face. The man fell hard to the ground and lay still for several seconds before Shepard recognized what she was doing. Her hand was around the blond man's neck and he was lifted in the air bioticly. The crowd stood transfixed on the carnage they expected to come.

"I'm also a Specter. I assume you know that means I can kill you without any legal recourse. I can crush your whole body like a bug and toss you on the beach for the birds to pick at your insides… but I won't. You aren't worth the paperwork I'd have to file. Instead I'm going to warn you. You better stay away from me, you had better not hassle any more biotics, and you should watch your step. I have powerful friends who have itchy trigger fingers.

The man had pissed himself and was crying silently when he finally answered her, "Yes ma'am."

"Good"

She dropped the man straight to the ground and turned around to find Kaidan with the older man. His face was a bit flush but he seemed to be coming to. Kaidan looked up at Shepard but his face contorted quickly and his hand rose towards her. She heard the shots but did not feel their sting. Instead she turned around raising her barrier to shield herself, Kaidan, and the old man. It was not the blond man who had shot her. Instead it was another man who had stood beside him the entire time.

"Fucking cunt! You think your barrier can stop me? I'll walk right in there and beat you to death with my bare hands."

It was Kaidan's turn though. He pushed the man through the crowd forcing him to hit a light pole and collapse into a broken heap on the ground. Within just a few moments local authorities came to the rescue arresting the two men and many of the hecklers. Shepard's wounds were superficial, only a light grazing on her shoulder and neck but it could have been a lot worse had she not had the warning. Kaidan helped keep the pressure on her shoulder wound for longer than needed but Shepard did not complain. She was bandaged up on site and allowed to walk the three blocks to the hotel where she gratefully collapsed upon Kaidan's bed.

Sometime in the night Shepard awoke from a nightmare wrapped in Kaidan's arms. At some point she must have been undressed for her shirt and pants were folded neatly in a chair close to the bed. _It was nice to wake up wrapped in his warm, protective arms_ she thought.

"Awake now, Shepard?"

"Yeah, I'm awake. My neck is killing me though."

"The Medi-gel should have fixed everything by now but I can check if you want."

The insinuation was there so she rolled over to face him. His rough but delicate hands pulled off the dressings for her wounds. Once they were off he ran his fingers along the length of her neck.

"Not even visible any more, Commander."

"Commander, huh?" Shepard said smiling at him. "I guess I should leave you to your quarters then, Lieutenant."

"No need."

His hand ran behind her head grasping her hair at the base of her skull and pulled her into his kiss. His need was felt in his every movement. His ruff grasping at her hips and raspy breathing fueled her own desire. After what seemed like an eternity she was finally able to gain the upper hand. Naked and on top of her junior officer she took control. Her hips guided their pleasure while Kaidan's hands roamed her body searching out new places to squeeze or bite. She pulled his head up towards her breasts as she rode him slowly moving her hips to meet his strokes. His mouth on her breasts biting, licking, and sucking was all Shepard needed to push her over the edge. Her climax was powerful and was followed shortly by Kaidan's own. Shepard lay in bed relaxing until she was sure Alenko was asleep. It was difficult for Shepard to leave his side but there would be paperwork to file for the men who attacked them. Duty over comfort.

In her room the com had several messages. One was from the colony supervisor of Elysium apologizing for the attack and promising to crack down on violence. It sounded more like a political add than a real letter. Another was from Anderson inquiring on her health and details of the incident so he could pass them on. Finally the last one was from an unknown source. It was dated that day but was titled "Your Parents."

Puzzled and somewhat standoffish Shepard brought up the message and read it:

Dear Commander Wren Shepard,

I have contacted you to inform you that the remains of your parents have finally been identified via electronic processing. We are sorry for the delay but the mass graves recently found at Mindoir made identification difficult. This document is to put your mind at ease knowing the fate of your family. I am sorry for your loss and hope that you can find solace in finally knowing what happened to them.

There it was in black and white. Her parents were dead. She felt devastated but oddly free. She remembered every mission against Batarian pirate ships feeling as if maybe someday she could come eye to eye with her parents as slaves. The girl on the Citadel who had been captured confirmed her suspicion that they had taken mostly the children. She would have been one of them had she been at the main colony site. All these thoughts ran through her mind even as she proceeded on the paperwork required of her.

It was mid afternoon and after 5 hours of paper work and finally finding the correct extranet site to send flowers to the memorial on Mindoir Shepard found the time to collapse into a bottle of whiskey. The barkeep knew her from the batarian attack and ushered her into a somewhat private booth at the back of the establishment. The whiskey was not particularly good. It didn't have to be. She just wanted enough to stop her from feeling everything all the time and to keep it secret from her crewmates, even Kaidan. _He would just feel sorry for me_, she thought bitterly taking her second shot. Five shots later she rolled her face against the cool metal table and listened to the game playing on the screen in the other room. She wasn't out but she felt a whole lot better laying her head down especially hearing that her team was losing. Someone else was in the bar by then, several someones from the sound of them. They were cheering loudly for the losing teem as well but to no avail. Shepard stood up took two more quick shots and walked towards the extranet screen in the front streaming the game live. Alliance soldiers were packed around the game… her Alliance Marines. Kaidan sat in a chair in the back of the crowd. His perfect black hair called to her fingers but she wasn't drunk enough to get them courts marshaled. Instead she placed her hand on his shoulder.

"We're losing, I guess."

"Oh, hey, Commander. Yeah I guess we are. How are you holding up?"

"As well as can be expected. Anderson says we are to depart in two days time."

The sadness in her voice must have translated to Kaidan or perhaps he felt the same way because he answered her, "So soon? I suppose it was too much to hope that they'd give the hero of the Citadel as much as a week's leave before throwing you into the fire again."

"I'll be ok, Lieutenant. I just hope the crew is up for setting off again. We're going against the Geth. Not exactly the reapers but they may have some info that we don't have." She sounded more confidant than she was but then again she always did that. Forcing strength into her voice was something she learned how to do long before she had any kind of command.

Kaidan looked at her skeptically for a moment then offered her a chair beside him.

"I've got a booth near the back with a bottle of REALLY bad whiskey waiting for me. Can't keep it waiting can I?" The question was both informative and an invitation but Shepard turned before she had any indication of an answer. He did, however follow a few moments and a shot later.

"The game is pretty miserable," he said sitting across the booth from her, "I'm glad to see you are up as fast as you are. Last night was pretty terrible…. aside from… you know."

"I don't know. I think we handled it well. It could have gone even more wrong though if you hadn't pushed that guy with the gun. I can't believe I didn't pack my side arm."

"Yeah, how'd he get a gun anyway? I thought this was a restricted port."

"There's no accounting for criminals."

They only had the one glass so Shepard poured another drink and offered it to Kaidan. He took it but made a face afterwards.

"You can drink that swill?" He exclaimed after several coughs and some strained laughter.

"I warned you that it was really bad didn't I? Truly I'm saving the galaxy from this horrible concoction of liver destroying liquid." She took another drink but let it take its time going down. That was a mistake. She coughed and they both laughed until the mood died away and all that was left was a smile shared between the two. Holding his perfect gaze for a moment she looked away, down to the empty shot glass in her hand. "I want to talk to you. I want to tell you about… my past…"

"You don't have to, Shepard… it must be hard. I've heard a lot about the Mindoir attack especially since your sudden rise in fame. It's not hard to figure out what must have happened." Kaidan's voice was sad but not distant and for a moment Shepard expected him to reach across the table in full light of day to hold her hand but he didn't.

"I do need to though and you deserve to hear it," she said pushing the data pad with her private message on it over to him. "I got this late last night…"

He read the short message and placed it down on the table. Shepard could feel the awkwardness that having to hide their relationship in public brought to the table. On one hand Kaidan must have wanted to hold her and tell her reassuring things but on the other he was just supposed to play the part of a junior officer.

As predicted Kaidan did the safe thing and said in a steeled voice, "I'm so sorry, Shepard. I know it must have been hard for you to… not know."

"Yeah, it's the hope that will burn your soul clean of regrets. The sleepless nights wondering what you could have done or said differently can get to you if you don't hope… for something. In the beginning I hoped that it hadn't happened or that we had all survived and maybe they just hadn't found them yet. Then after I joined the Alliance I hoped that one day I would find them and could set them free so we could be a family again. After seeing what they did to their slaves on the Citadel though… I guess I hoped that they were dead. I'm almost glad now to have this proof but…"

"It still hurts."

"Yeah, it does. I'd give anything for just one more boring engineering lesson from my father." Shepard could hear her own voice becoming sad and distant so she straightened up. Appearance was 70 percent of victory one of her old commanders used to say.

"He must have been a great guy." Kaidan said trying to pry more information out of Shepard. She resented the implication that she wasn't going to tell all but took a bite on the bait anyway.

"He was pretty awesome for someone who hated the Alliance. I guess it was warranted from him but as a teenager stuck on a farming world it was hard to see the downsides to living on a starship. There I was on some rock covered in crops with nothing for miles but a small settlement, a com tower, and a barn for livestock. Imagine me, stuck on an agricultural world…. It was hell… but my parents loved it."

"Sounds like it was peaceful... but why did your father hate the Alliance?"

"Oh, there were lots of reasons; one for every day but the real reason was that his brothers died in the first contact war, all four of them. He blames the Alliance's dumb expansion ideals for their deaths. Lot of good it did him and the rest of the colony wasn't too hot on them either…." The glass was empty again so she poured another drink spilling a bit over the sides. It was cheep swill so she didn't care but Alenko noticed.

"You're sure you haven't had enough, Commander?"

She smiled at his use of commander then began laughing. "I've got to tell you something Kaidan. I really love you. I really, really do." Her words were slurred and far too loud for a bar with Alliance Marines in it.

Kaidan had to suppress his laughter and tried his best to cover her mouth with his hand to quiet her voice. She was very drunk. Looking around for and exit he only spied the one in the front but this was a bar there had to be another. The bartender heard the commotion in the back and came to the rescue.

"She's drunk again?" he asked seeing Shepard laughing and struggling to pour another drink since she had just downed the last one she poured.

"This happens often?"

"Only every time she visits. She's very predictable. I have a bottle of that crap ready for her every time. It's horrible swill that I wouldn't carry if she wasn't who she is. There's a back way out behind the bar," then as an aside to Kaidan the bartender narrowed his eyes into a slit, "If I hear of you taking advantage of her like this I'll cut your balls off."

Kaidan laughed off the last threat but the whole way to the hotel he was pensive and silent. Carrying Shepard wasn't hard for Kaidan but staying unnoticed was. The streets were full of people and Shepard was very, very drunk. Somehow they managed to get off the street without too many second glances and were back in her hotel room in a flash up three flights of stairs managing to avoid all the Alliance personnel watching the game in the hotel bar.

Kaidan lay her on her own bed by now she was pouty and clingy, something he had never seen from his Commander.

"Don't go, I want you to stay…," was her pleading cry towards him. After a few moments of back and forth "I have to's" and "no you do not's" it was Shepard managed to surprise him again. "I love you, Kaidan Alenko… We should get married." There it was, the proposal he never thought he'd hear.

"You are drunk," he said, "very, very, very drunk and out of your mind."

"I am very, very, very in love with you, Kaidan. I don't want to lose you like I lost my family. No one can take you away from me… except I guess you… but you shouldn't. I love you." Her words were slurred but serious. "I can't lose you. You're like a damn drug, like red sand. I can't get enough of you. I want you to know what you mean to me. I want to get married."

"Shepard you just want to get married because you are drunk and your parents died. You don't really want to marry me… and even if you did I'm not ready and neither are you."

"I'm always ready, Lieutenant. I'm prepared for everything but… I can't let anyone go. I can't lose anyone else." Then the tears came. She was drunk, distraught, and now tears. He really couldn't go now but he had to for his cover and also for himself. He was made uncomfortable by the whole situation.

"I really have to go, the guys… they'll wonder."

Shepard's voice was sad but steady when she answered, "Then go. I won't keep you just leave the bottle."

Reluctantly Kaidan set the half empty bottle down on the bedside table and left the Commander alone with her thoughts. When he checked in on her later the bottle was empty and she was wrapped up in her blankets. There was no need to wake her.

The afternoon had come and gone and Shepard still stayed in bed. The sun was blotted out of the windows by very serious blinds. Shepard, sensing an urgency to shower after a night of fitful, fevered dreams pulled herself up into the bathroom. Lying in the bottom of the shower she turned it to the coldest setting and switched the water on high. _I've got to get moving somehow_. She regretted her need to rise immediately after the freezing water hit her hot sweat covered body. A knock at the door came but she did not heed it. Instead she sat in the cold water until she began shiver and her skin became a sickly shade of pink. Then with a reluctant sigh she got up and dressed. Her skull felt as if it would explode at any moment but she still read two reports on the Normandy's repairs and sent off a response letter to Alliance Brass about their "bar fight." _Kaidan's a good man_, she thought a bit more seriously, _maybe I really do want to marry him._ She was still a bit ashamed about how she had acted the day before but she felt confidant in what she had. Shepard had never seriously thought of marriage before. It always seemed like an institution to enter into when you were ready to give up the life they lead but for her now it would mean so much more. It would allow Kaidan to bunk with her, give them married benefits, insure that if they got transferred around they would be together but the possibility still stood that the council could order her away without him and he would always be in the same danger as her, that was troubling. _Being a specter just got a whole lot more complicated._ _These idle thoughts will get me nowhere without his input_, she decided for herself that she would need to seek him out tonight so they could discuss it privately.

It was getting dark when she made it out of her room and down the hall. Joker was sitting in front of the large extranet terminal watching a ship race by himself.

"Hey Joker, who's winning?"

"The Bright Lady has the lead but she'll have to stop for fuel soon. I think Crimson Burst will win the match. He's got the best strategy."

Being as casual as she dared Shepard inquired as to the location of some of their crewmembers. "So where is everyone?"

"Wrex is still trying to look for a fight. He's pissed you found one without him. Tali is at the boardwalk watching the ships coming in to port. Liara is at the museum for the hundredth time. Garrus went for a drink and some late night bottle hunting."

"Um… do you know what anyone else is doing?" The question was awkward but it couldn't be helped.

"If you're looking for Alenko you should know he's looking for you. Maybe down at the bar he found you at yesterday." Shepard was surprised by the lack of sarcastic dialog from her helmsman but she nodded and headed out the door.

"Have fun Commander and don't let Kaidan drink you under the table again."

_I knew it was too good to be true._

The bar was dark and closed when Shepard got there. She had forgotten they closed early on Sunday. Not tired but a bit depressed she walked down the boardwalk to Kyle's house. After all, she had told him she would see him before she left. She arrived and was greeted by Kyle in the hallway.

"Shepard, I didn't expect you tonight especially so late."

"I slept in late and I know you and your late nights."

He invited her in and offered her a drink but she only took some water. Sarah had already gone to bed but Kyle was up watching the same race Joker was.

"That guy you brought to dinner the other night… He seemed nice."

Shepard could hear the emotions in his voice and was confused, "You sound jealous, Kyle. Is there something you want to tell me?"

There was a pause then a sigh. "I guess I just always hoped that one day you would stop running around trying to save everyone long enough to find a place here, with us. Now that you've got someone on the road to be with I guess we'll be chopped meat. And don't bother telling me you aren't dating him. I saw the way you looked at each other. He's secretive but you can't hide a thing you are thinking."

Shepard thought for a moment, "What do you think about me getting married?"

"Shit Shepard, you're serious? I mean I like the kid but marriage is a big decision. Didn't you say that you just met him right before this last assignment?"

"Yeah but… How can I explain this? I've spent my whole life running from commitments. Anything that could tie me down to one place was thrown away but this… this feels real… like it has a chance because we share everything. I trust him and he's special… I want to spend the rest of my life with him. How ever short it is."

"That's your reasoning. You think you could die tomorrow so you are desperate to bind yourself to someone."

"Everyone dies, Kyle. You never know when your time is up but that has nothing to do with this. I'm tired of hiding what we have. I'm tired of being alone up there on the pedestal with no one to talk about things. I'm tired of having to handle everything alone."

There it was in the open and Kyle stayed silent as Shepard turned her head to wipe her eyes. He knew she could not always be the brave and stalwart Commander Shepard he just didn't think he would ever see her cry.

"Just talk to him, Shepard and don't rush into anything."

She left Kyle's house wandered her way towards their hotel. They had only one last night before they ship out again and Shepard was alone again. There in the light of the double moons at the end of the block Shepard spied another man. At first she thought it was Kaidan but as she got closer she realized it wasn't him. He was holding himself oddly as if he was waiting for someone but also trying to look casual. He was out of place. Walking as slowly as she could and crossing the street to the opposite side she watched his movements.

The man saw her cross the street and appeared to watch her as his hand entered his jacket pocket. Shepard saw the gleam of the gun before he could fire and tumbled behind a parked car bringing up her barrier. Mentally she cursed herself for not bringing any weapons as three shots grazed along the top of the car she was hiding behind.

"There's no use in hiding, Shepard. I'm going to kill you." The voice was not recognizable to Shepard but that did not mean anything. There were a lot of enemies she had made during her years of service.

"Who are you? Why do you want to kill me?"

Whipping her head from behind the car long enough to glimpse the street around her she was astonished to not see the man there but she heard a scuff on the other side of the car. Springing into action Shepard ran from her cover around the corner and down the street. He was slower to react but ran after her firing a string of bullets that bounced off her barrier. The chase was on. He had the advantage of armaments but she had knowledge of their battle ground. Ducking and tumbling out of the way of several shots Shepard made it half way to the hotel before she was slightly out of breath. Running and holding a barrier deflecting bullets with an empty stomach was not good. Behind the umbrella cart she had used the other day she huddled and tried to come up with a plan. She heard him turn the corner to face him but he stopped. He didn't know where she was.

"I know you are here, Shepard. There's nothing here but empty shops and beach. There is no more room to run. Come out and I'll make it quick."

She had two choices: hide and see if he would find her or drop her barrier long enough to launch him in the air with a pull. Shepard never was one for hiding. Her barrier down she took broke her cover and reached out to pull him. That's when everything went wrong. She saw him and reached out with her biotics to pull him but they failed her. She didn't have the energy to do it. There she was staring down the barrel of a fully automatic submachine gun with no barrier, armor, or weapon. Then without warning as if a miracle occurred he was pulled into the air floating suspended in biotic energy.

Kaidan Alenko emerged a moment later from the direction the man had come from. He was a bit out of breath but none the worse for wear. Kaidan wasted no time pulling the gun out of the man's hands. Shepard collapsed completely spent against the cart.

"I thought he had me there. Glad you came along. How'd you get here?"

Kaidan beamed at her but had his omni-tool out sending a message to the local police.

"I didn't know where you were, the bar was empty so I went to Kyle's place and he said you had just left. I heard shots so I ran towards them thinking you were in trouble and I guess you were."

"Yeah, I was. Thanks, Kaidan." Her face flushed red for the first time in a long time but by now their time to talk w candidly was over. The police car was within site and heading towards them. Shepard felt confidant enough to stand up and head over to the arriving police. They were friendly enough and grateful for the assist in apprehending the man. Taking the gun from Kaidan one of the police began searching the seemingly dazed attacker.

"Drunk maybe… could be someone who's got it out for the Commander but I don't recognize him." Shepard heard Kaidan explain to the officer.

Without warning the man broke free from the officer's grip and reached towards Shepard revealing his omni-blade. With strength she did not know she possessed in her state she reached out and caught the man's wrist twisting it past her and sending him clattering to the ground.

"You are a fool, Shepard." He said as his mouth filled with a foamy green substance bubbling up from his chest.

The officer rushed to her aid then knelt down to the attacker scanning him with his omni-tool, "He's dead."

"Shepard, are you alright?" Kaidan pulled Shepard back away from the dead man.

"Yeah I'm fine but who is he? Who sent him?"

"No identifying info on him, Commander but we did find this." The officer held out a knife with a yellow a symbol on it Shepard knew too well.

"That's Cerberus."

Leaving the police to the clean up Shepard and Kaidan walked back to the hotel. The events of the night had been sobering but she still wanted to talk with him. When they arrived Shepard's stomach gave a loud rumble so she stopped in the lobby.

"I forgot I haven't eaten yet. I'll order up some room service. Want anything, Lieutenant?"

The two settled on ordering a few sandwiches and carried them up themselves. It wasn't so much a romantic evening as they pored over how Cerberus could have known their whereabouts and why they would have attacked now but neither could come up with answers. It was a circular conversation and Shepard decided to take her chance.

"I wanted to thank you for bringing me back from the bar yesterday. I guess I didn't handle myself well."

"There was nothing you could do. You just found out your parents died. I would have been a mess… in that situation no one can blame you for what you did and said. The bartender ratted you out though. He said you get drunk their every time you are on Elysium."

"It's true. I visit every year; same day, same bottle of bad whiskey, same dingy bar. It's a tradition." Feeling that this wasn't enough of the facts Shepard let out a little sigh. She was sitting in the little side chair in his room made her feel like a child again. "It's not just the day I found out my parents were dead, Kaidan. It was the anniversary of the attack on Mindior. I lost all my friends and family at two in the morning on my birthday."

The silence after was heartbreaking for Shepard. She could predict the emotions he would feel at this statement. The same things every other person she had told had. Guilt for not knowing her birthday, unbound sadness at the circumstances, and then the awkward pause that wouldn't stop because they couldn't think of anything to say. It had only happened four times but each time it was the same.

"I'm so sorry Shepard. I didn't know…" He reached out stretching himself across the bed and took her hand. "What happened?"

He wasn't the first one to ask but he was the first one to mean it. She looked up from her lap and smiled at him. "It was a school night but that didn't deter me. I was 16 going on 17 and I climbed the com tower at midnight to meet my boyfriend. He was a bit older than me. He came but nothing happened. We didn't even know the colony was under attack until the generator blew up… it was a day later when the Alliance picked me up. Jason was killed." Those were the facts. She hadn't died while everyone else had and now she just wanted to hold what she had a little bit closer.

"There isn't much more to say is there, Shepard, except happy birthday and I'm glad you finally told me."

"I'm glad too, Kaidan. I was wondering if we could talk about something I said last night." _Here goes nothing._ "About the marriage thing…"

"It's ok I totally understand you were drunk. I wouldn't believe anything you said yesterday." A stream of curse words ran through Shepard's thoughts.

"Yeah, silly me, I guess you thought it was hilarious. You must have laughed the whole way back to the game." Maybe it was the hurt on her face she couldn't hide or maybe it was the unintended sadness in her voice but Kaidan noticed something.

"You were joking weren't you, Commander?"

Shepard thought on the matter for a moment then smiled up at him, "Yeah… just a joke."

They were finished with their meal so Shepard took her leave. The next day they boarded the Normandy and everything should have been back to normal

The sky was clear and the wind rushed around Wren's legs as she dangled them over the side of the com tower's walkway. She heard the chatter from behind her like static. It was past midnight and the lights of the colony were beautiful from up here. The excitement and taboo of her presence on top of the tower in the middle of the night kept her from singing at the top of her lungs. She felt alive for the first time in her seventeen year long existence.

"Hey up there!" a boy shouted from below. "Nice legs!"

"Get up here, you slime!" She called down to him sticking out her tongue as he closed the door behind him.

He closed the distance from below quicker than she would have thought and was in her arms kissing her deeper than she could have imagined. Their teenage lust encapsulated them away from the real world until an explosion took down the neighboring power junction. Wren and Jason launched themselves away from each other to look down at the colony. The lights everywhere had gone now and even the com chatter had stopped instead their ears were filled with screams and gunfire. Wren tore her attention from the dark night in front of her to her partner but he was gone. His face was pale, drenched with sweat, and he was muttering things she couldn't understand. She was running down the inner stairs toward the emergency power before he could stop her.

The emergency generator under the steps was dirty and smelled but her father had taught her how to run it and for once she was glad he put so much responsibility on her. Omni tool out she began to start it up when she heard the commotion above her on the main level. Lights flashed here and there near the bottom of the stairs where she stood stark still but they moved away when sounds from above became louder.

"What are you doing? You jerks…," rifle fire silenced Jason's voice.

She knew she must be silent but Wren cried to herself doing her best to stifle her own sobs. Hours or minuets clicked by as the attack continued and she was paralyzed by fear. Finally mustering her courage, she activated the generator. Staying still for a moment to reassure herself there were no signs of life around she opened the door and climbed the tower to the communications hub. Stepping over Jason's dead body, imagining it away she sent out the distress beacon and locked the inner and outer doors to the com tower. There she sat alone with Jason's dead body past the dawn hours until the alliance soldiers came. Wren was lost to those innocent days above the influence of reality.

Shepard bolted upright, sweating under thin regulation blankets in her private officer's quarters. An empty spot was open next to her. It was still warm from Kaidan's presences but as per usual he was as a ghost in the night. She knew it was for their safety, breaking regulations and all that but she would have liked to wake up next to him for a change. The dream had shaken her usual stiff resolve.

"I will do better for them," she said to herself as she pushed up from her simple bunk.

Clothes, a quick shower, and chow didn't manage to wake her up from her mood until while reading reports Doctor Chakwas sat down at her table in the mess.

"Commander, after the last mission I noticed the readings in your armor show that you're stress levels have been rather high." In a concerned voice she continued softer so that any other crewmembers wouldn't hear, "Are you sleeping badly?"

"I sleep the way I usually sleep, Doctor. Nothing unusual to report."

"I just thought…" then even quieter, "About, Alenko… his stress levels are as high as yours and I'm… concerned for the both of you. For your health and his you should find a way to… work this out. I'm sure the Captain will understand."

"The only way anything will work out is if… if something wonderful happens but… there is no hope for that." The sadness in Shepard's voice was evident and it blocked any further conversation. Both women ate the rest of their food in silence and left soon after.

Kaidan was not interested in marriage. He had made that clear to her on Elysium. _He had treated it like it was a joke._ Breaking up was not something she considered an option but she felt in her heart something between them was lost that night. He was uncomfortable with the subject and she was unwilling to try and pressure him into a situation he did not want to be in.

That night it was quiet and Kaidan hadn't come to her bed. She could feel the hum of the engines against her right shoulder. She knew Presley had command while she had her 8 hours of rest but the anxiety would not leave her. The last thing she wanted was to dream again of her parent's death so she sought out Kaidan.

In his sleep tube among others Kaidan slept soundly. She looked at him and then around to the mostly empty crew deck. Mid shift no one was active here except maybe a passing deck hand late to his bunk. She knocked softly at the clear shielding between herself and Kaidan awakening him rather quickly. Swiftly he opened his capsule and stepped with her down the hall.

"Shepard… what's up?"

"I don't know Kaidan. Do you have a moment to talk? I know you were asleep but… I guess I just need your input on something."

"I have a headache, Wren. Can this wait?" Kaidan said using that name she had told him never to call her.

"No, it can't." Shepard said letting the frustration sound in her voice. "The doctor knows. She thinks I'm endangering our mission with stress about us."

"She's probably right. I mean you have been going easy on me lately. You send other people to do things I can do better and you don't order me around like you would have before."

"I just don't want to see you hurt!" Shepard almost shouted in frustration, "I don't want to lose you. Do you want me to send you on dangerous assignments and give you orders? Do you want me to stop listening to your input and treat you like every other person on this ship?" Bitter venom punctuated every word of her last sentence as it seemed to hang in the air above the two torn lovers.

"I want you to act normally and let us take our time. I don't know what I want yet and shouting at me will not make it come out your way. Treat me like the crew? Please do! At least then I can get some sleep!"

Shepard could hear his steps echo through the wall as she fled to her room. Sleep came to her easily after she wept into her pillow. In fact the hours and days seemed to melt away into an endless stream of routine. Wake up, eat, read reports on Geth activity, scan planets hopping to see some action but never getting to, writing letters to Anderson and anyone who would read them about the importance of the coming reaper invasion, and finally she would lay in her bunk waiting for Kaidan to come until she willed herself into a dreamless sleep. This went on for four days until something changed it.

In the cargo hold Shepard was sparring with Garrus trying to work off some steam with the turian during this down time. The physical activity was starting to work out all her emotional build up when an alarm sounded through the ship and then the whole place seemed to lurch to the right.

"That's not good, Garrus. You better get suited up and head to an escape pod. I'm going to head up and see what's going on." Shepard shouted as she ran up to grab the elevator to her locker.

"Aye, Commander" Garrus answered behind her.

On the elevator coming down Kaidan looked at her then ran for his own locker. The awkward moment held in her mind the whole ride up to the crew deck but when she arrived at her locker and began the usual task of suiting up she felt better. Armor always made her feel less like a woman and more like Shepard. This person was more than her own sex, more than human. She was a powerful biotic who saved Elysium, took down Saren, killed a reaper, and saved the galactic council. Fire and destruction surrounded her but she ran past them to the distress beacon hub at the end of the hot bunk's line. When the beacon was primed she squeezed her head into her helmet. Feeling the metal slip into place she heard Kaidan behind her.

"Shepard!"

"Distress beacon is ready for launch." It was a cold answer from Shepard.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Kaidan asked struggling to keep his composure. With that the ship pitched forward sending Shepard into Kaidan's arms for the first time in days. The feeling of mutual support was reassuring and bought back feelings of love between the two.

"The Alliance won't abandon us. We just need to hold on." Fire had sprouted up to her right so with one hand she pushed Kaidan toward the fire and with the other she grabbed an extinguisher. She flung it towards him so that she could focus on locking down the gas venting into this area and said "Get everyone to the escape shuttles."

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship." Then with more feeling Kaidan said, "I'm not leaving either."

Shepard replied, pulling the useless extinguisher out of Kaidan's hands, "I need you to get the crew into the evac shuttles. I'll take care of joker." As she hurried towards the now ready distress beacon hub the ship shuttered and a small explosion went off above their heads.

"Commander!" Kaidan shouted looking towards her struggling to right herself.

"Kaidan, Go. Now." she commanded him. It had been weeks since she had given him such a strong command and as it left her lips some part of her regretted her tone but her voice did not falter.

Kaidan in turn replied, "Aye, aye," in a hurt voice and raced off towards the evac shuttles.

At the beacon Shepard set up the signal and sent out three before the power was cut to the platform and she felt the urgency to rush up stairs to the cockpit. Opening the door to the CIC brought her among debris in the quiet vacuum of space. It felt almost peaceful though walking in her mag boots proved unwieldy and not as swift as she had hoped. The openness of space and the odd feeling of walking among floating chairs and pieces of the hull combined to make Shepard feel more concern for her favorite snarky pilot. As she closed the gap on the cockpit, however, she could see him still feverishly poking his display in vain behind a bubble of life support.

"Come on, Joker. We have to get out of here." Shepard pled desperately when she finally passed into the field of gravity and sound.

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy. I can still save her," Joker argued in a painful denial of reality.

"The Normandy's lost. Going down with the ship won't change that."

Joker thought for a brief moment and finally lamented, "Yeah, ok. Help me up," but before she could his board went red and he said, "They're coming around for another attack."

Desperate but curious Shepard rushed to the edge of the life support bubble and watched in awe as the beam cannon ripped through the remains of the Normandy. Struck for but a moment Shepard leapt into action ripping Joker up by his arm causing him to call out in pain. She helped him into the ready evac shuttle almost tossing him in. Shepard was pushed forward by an explosion behind her. Anxious to see what happened she turned only to see a huge part of the ship disconnecting. Another blast knocked Shepard off her mag boots and sent her hurtling into space. Desperate to save Joker, Shepard grasped the corner of the wall and smashed the button to launch the pod. Only fear and pain rocketed through her body as the pod flew out into space propelling her backwards smashing her powerfully into the neighboring wall. She was stunned for long moments but as she began to breathe normally she could feel the air thinning. Her armor was leaking air. Grasping behind her head at her oxygen supply feed Shepard found she could not cover them well enough and as she struggled she turned to see that her momentum was sending her into the neighboring world's atmosphere. She would be dead soon.

Those moments of failure on Mindior flashed first in her memory. The taste of her mother's home made pumpkin bread and her father's constant tech lessons combined with the moment she was pulled from the com tower. She had survived while almost everyone else had not. Then the day she had found out she was a biotic and needed an implant to help her control her powers. It was a damning position she was put into when she had to go through the procedure alone and then was looked at differently for her bald head and the scar for months. It all led up to her joining the Alliance. It was easier than having to report in every time you moved and without her parents it was impossible to afford to live on a colony world. They had left her a little something but the feeling of blood money sat poorly with her until she gave it all up joining the marines. Then Elysium and the Star of Terra award ceremony. She still didn't feel she deserved it but by now she was burning and that pulled her attention away from her memories. Her skin was cooking in the suit all her nerve endings were firing at once and then they were gone and she was left with the rest of her fleeting memories. Captain Anderson and the war with the Geth were next on her mind. That last battle of the Citadel when she had sent so many marines to their deaths. It still haunted her to think of their families even though she knew there was no other way. Her sight was lost by the time she thought of Ilos both the night before and the reality laid out by Vigil. Then the reapers flashed through what was left of her consciousness. Their looming presence made her fear for her friends and the ones she loved. Shepard's last thought was of Kaidan. His face and voice flashed before her eyes like a dream of unrealized possibilities. _I love you Kaidan Alenko._


End file.
